Getting Personal

When someone meets you for the very first time, what inferences do you think they draw from the way you look? From your approximate age? Gender? Race or national origin? What if they knew about your educational experiences or your schooling? What inferences might they draw about your beliefs?

How likely is it that a few of those inferences would be off the mark? How much important information about you would they miss altogether?

Think about the process through which we get to know new people. At first, before we even speak with them, we assess their appearance, drawing certain conclusions and looking for characteristics we may have in common. Those judgments aren't necessarily inappropriate -- to some extent we all use visual cues as "shortcuts" as we search for clues about how strangers are likely to behave. But they make a difference. They shape our first impressions, particularly about what we might have in common with that person.

We learn more about the person when we're introduced, and move from strangers to acquaintances. At that point, we typically share group-level information -- where we're from, the company we work for -- and often stop there. Although that information is helpful, it's still rather superficial. It doesn't tell the other person much about us as individuals. That kind of information is usually picked up over time, as we share experiences and observe one another's behavior.

Only when we get past the superficial and begin to relate as individuals do we begin to appreciate acquaintances and create meaningful relationships with them. Depending on how frequently we interact, it may us take a long time to establish the level of understanding necessary for an effective partnership -- or it may never occur at all.

The language of strengths is a catalyst that quickly moves new acquaintances -- whether they are colleagues, friends, or both -- past the superficial. Discovering a person's talents takes us instantly to a new level of relationship -- one at which we more fully appreciate each other's unique gifts and our differing viewpoints. If we establish a deeper level of personal understanding earlier in our relationships, we are less likely to form unrealistic expectations, and hence are less likely to frustrate or disappoint one another.

A better kind of shortcut
Using the language of strengths helps us form stronger partnerships more quickly, and it can also benefit us profoundly. Strengths language helps us de-emphasize superficial, group-level characteristics in favor of a universal language of human ability. Focusing on individual-level talent enforces a healthier concept of human nature. If someone is referred to as a "white female," for example, the preconceived assumptions that description generates are more likely to be inaccurate than if that same person is described as "strong in Intellection, Ideation, and Connectedness."

Strengths transcend racial, ethnic, religious and class-based categories. They can help people from different backgrounds relate to one another through a common language about talents. The beauty of the strengths approach lies in the fact that it tends to be more accurate than the typical information shortcuts we use. Using strengths language avoids stereotypes and helps move conversations directly to the individual level. It raises our awareness of the other person's humanity.

The strengths approach also provides cues to help us draw inferences about how people are likely to behave. In Now, Discover Your Strengths, Marcus Buckingham and Don Clifton compare themes of talent to the keys on a piano. The 88 keys obviously don't capture the entire range of sounds the human ear is capable of hearing, but this simplified array of notes is one we can more easily conceptualize and work with.

The critical difference is that talents are more relevant to behavior than are stereotypes. Observations about talents are themselves based on behavioral cues, rather than generalizations that have nothing to do with the person's individuality. That makes the resulting inferences not just less discriminatory, but more reliable as well.

Connections between people make the all the difference in partnership, productivity and satisfaction. By focusing on talent to come together at a more personal level, we can fully appreciate the power of each person to build a better community, business, and family.